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| Today was the unofficial start of chinese school. Kinda freaky. Unofficial in that I really didn't teach anything, and we weren't on campus, nor were we even in a classroom setting. We were at some camp up north.
Do you know what it's like to be in a sea of 10-year-old Asian girls and their blonde, blue-eyed parents?
Do you know how heart-wretching it was to watch them try and say "xie xie" or "ni hao"?
Or how some of them don't even know Chinese at all?
I saw so many faces today. These girls were precious: they were singing, they were dancing, they were normal little girls. Why would anyone want to give them away? Why would no one fight for them? Why?
I get that China is under...duress. I get that. I understand the whole cultural thing. But when you see these faces, no excuse is good enough. No excuse can give them their culture back. No excuse can help them with the culture barrier. I struggle with mine and I KNOW where I'm from. They have loving parents now, yes, but why not then? These girls were thrown by the wayside; there was even a girl from Suzhou. What if she's related to me? What if...anything?
For the first time, I saw adopted Chinese boys. BOYS. No one in China gives up boys, it just doesn't happen. These boys were 8 and 9, and reminded me so much of my brother. They were hyper, obsessed with Pokemon/Yugioh, and hated when their older sister tried to hug them. Why would anyone give them up? They had just been adopted maybe a few months ago, in January or February perhaps. I could still see the sadness in their eyes. If you think about it: if they live until they're 80, they would still have lived 10% of their lives without a loving family. Why would anyone do this to children?! Sure, maybe China is changing. Maybe adoption is more accepted. But still, Chinese families cannot adopt Chinese children. Even if they have the money and the love to give.
God, China sometimes is so stupid. You're losing all your girls to America. You're forcing adopted children to lose their culture. You're driving your economy to the ground. It's time for change. Obviously, China's not going to listen to me. Why would they? I'm a Chinese-American, and a girl at that, so what reason do they have to listen to me?!?!
Everything.
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| Yeah, it's in Fringese. Deal with it.
Je ne comprend ma vie. Wo shi shei? Ta zen me hui zhi dao wo yao de shi shen me? What confusion. Apres que mon amie dirais qu'elle aime le meme homme que j'aime, tu veut penser wo bu hui rang ta. Mais elle faisait avant, elle fera apres.
Je pense, non attend, je sais qu'il xi huan wo. We shen me wo hai pa? Mei you shen me ren qui nong puo lan wo de vie, dui bu dui? Il veut que wo bu jiu zhan zai zhe'r, il veut que wo qi lai, da zhang, le voudrais. Ca sera tres facile, non?
No more shyness. No more pretending just to save face or embarassment. If I never fight, how will I ever receive what I want?
Je voudrais un/e ami/e qui comprend. J'ai peur que je le perdrai comme 'autre, ou je perdrai l'amitie. J'ai besoin son amitie, si pas autre.
Je voudrais pleurer maintenant en ma classe de maths, mais comment stupide est ca? Oui, je sais que je ne le peut pas.
But it would still be nice.
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| I feel a cross between Nemo and any average teenager. More later.
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|  | Currently Listening
Rent (1996 Original Broadway Cast)
By Jonathan Larson, Jeff Potter, Anthony Jackson, Daniel A. Weiss, Ira Siegel, Kenny Brescia, Steve Skinner, Adam Pascal, Aiko Nakasone, Anthony Rapp, Byron Utley, Daphne Rubin-Vega, Fredi Walker, Gilles Chiasson, Gwen Stewart, Idina Menzel, Jesse L. Martin, Kristen Lee Kelly, Rodney Hicks, Stevie Wonder, Taye Diggs, Timothy Britten Parker, Wilson Jermaine Heredia
Goodbye Love
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School starts on Monday. I move in Thursday! ACK! So if I don't see you until then (which is likely that I won't), hopefully I'll see you all soon, yeah?
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